Tuesday, January 10, 2012

MOVIE REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!@!!!!!!!!!

I watch movies. I have opinions about those movies. Now, you will know my opinions. This is MOVIE REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!@!!!!!

Moneyball   Brad Pitt is still pretty sexy but this movie is about BASEBALL and while the movie is interesting, the fact that I was watching a lengthy movie about BASEBALL was hard to get over. Jonah Hill (fat kid from Superbad) is a main character and it just throws me off to have someone who came from potty humour fame all of a sudden be acting all serious n shit. I kept waiting for him to be funny and it never happened. I started watching this movie under the very false assumption it was a comedy. It's not. I did LOL a few times but it's far from a comedy. It's about BASEBALL. This movie will probably be nominated for a bunch of Oscars but it really shouldn't be. Mat liked it a lot better than I did but I think that's because deep down maybe he secretly likes sports?  I give this film 4.6 out of 9 Christmas tree ornaments. Maybe watch it?

Rise of the Planet of the Apes   It had James Franco,  gorillas throwing themselves at helicopters, monkeys riding horses, monkeys wearing people clothes and did I mention the gorilla taking down the helicopter? Yeah. That REALLY happened. And it's just as awesome as it sounds. This is a fucking badass movie and it is one of the few films that have entertained me all the way through in the last while. I wasn't expecting much and I got WOWED TO THE FACE by it. I rate this film 98 out of 101 Kitties. Watch it!!


Incendies   A touching and disturbing look at a womans life in the Middle East during one of the many conflicts. One word for this movie would be masterpiece. It is enthralling, upsetting and touching all at the same time. One of the best movies I have ever seen. Gems like Incendies will never get an Oscar nod while mediocre shit like Moneyball will. This is why I do not give a shit about the Academy Awards. 9 out of 9.5 Stars Absolutely watch it!

Bloody Pit of Horrors (1968)  I have a feeling that the fact that the movie was dubbed in English added to the charm. Seeing the actors lips moving quite obviously out of sync with the words added to the zany cheese of the movie. It was hilariously funny in parts and a bit boring in others but that is what the fast forward button is for, my friends! I give this movie 5 out of 7.5 Puppies in a Basket. Watch it if you like cheesy horror movies. 

The Wicker Man (1973)  Nicolas Cage did an apparently terrible remake of this movie and I didn't want to bother with that one so went for the original. It's spooky and misleading and while I definitely won't be rewatching it, it was worth the time spent. A straight edged cop is sent to an island where a girls disappearance has been reported. When he asks around for her her existence is denied by all the townfolk. SUSPENSE INSUES!  5 out of 9 Pop Cans      It's pretty decent!


Your Highness  You don't need to know anything about this movie besides that it is set in faraway times in a faraway land and it is basically a stoner comedy for the gods.  I can't understand why anyone would give this movie a bad review (and some people did), it was laugh out loud funny the entire time.  Probably one of my new favouritest comedies, this one deserves a watch. I love Natalie Portman and I think I really like James Franco and guess what they were BOTH IN THIS MOVIE! And the other dude who is in EASTBOUND AND DOWN is fucking hilarious. I don't know his name and fuck googling it but he is the bomb. This movie gets A MILLION OUT OF A MILLION AND ONE AWESOMES. WATCH IT OR DIE!!!!!!!!


3 comments:

  1. I really want to watch your highness now! I will check immediately to see if its on netflix....i wonder if its still funny if ur not high LOL

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  2. JAMES FRANCO GETS ME ALL HORNY

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  3. LOL!!! Mel. I lol'd when I read that. In caps too!

    Did you ever watch it Jen? Did you love it??!!? If not, you should rewatch it next year after the baby and see if you love it! lol

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